I've been following your career for quite some time now, and let me just tell you: This girl right here? Big fan. I've been watching you and purchasing your action figures ever since I can remember. Having high morals, fighting those Decepticons for being raging assholes... Man, you seriously kick some tail!
Which brings me to why I'm writing you.
After watching you beat the ever-loving bejeezus out of giant, evil (not to mention wicked ugly) morphing robots for years and years on end, I've thought of a way both you and I could benefit from your impressive ass-kicking skills. Call it a prevention plan, if you will.
You see, human drivers have lost all sense of common courtesy when it comes to proper driving etiquette. We've got truck drivers tailgating tiny cars, people driving too slow in the fast lane, total memory loss as to what a turn signal even is, and just last night as I was driving down the highway after a long evening of school, some asshole driving behind me insisted on using his highbeams. My whole car was lit up like the glowy end of ET's finger.
I'm growing weary of the overall douchelordery on the roads, just as I'm sure you'd love a break from constantly having to beat the crap out of things. So how's about this: You be my ride for one week, and we instill a fear in drivers unlike that of which they have ever known. For example, if someone cuts us off you could just transform and grab them and then yell, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, PUNY HUMAN??" and then not put them down until they either cry, explain themselves, or faint. I'm not asking you to hurt anybody, but hey, a few crapped pants never hurt anybody.
After one week, I bet half of the country would be too terrified to drive. This is good! Less people on the road leads to less traffic! Also, with everyone scared for their lives, morals would be at an all time high, meaning less crime, and a fat vacation for Mr. Prime.
So take your time, mull it over, weigh out the pros and cons (BTW, me getting Optimus Prime as a ride for a week = HUGE PRO), and get back to me.
No pressure,
Your #1 Fan
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